The more I learn about the Orthodox Faith and the more I come in contact with the Apostles, Prophets, the Blessed Ever-Virgin Mary and all the Saints, the more I realize I’m unfit for the kingdom.

I’m not Orthodox.

My will is constantly under the assault of the Evil One, and I bend on numerous occasions to be filled with pride, vanity and anxieties beyond description. I try so hard to be patient, meek and humble, but I fail constantly. I try to wait for the Lord and not worry about what the next day will bring, but my mind is so wrought with anxiety it seems impossible most days. But I try …

Many times, when un-pleasant situations arise, I find myself reverting back to old heresies and thinking that it is all God’s fault (supposing that God is the creator of evil). For death is a consequence of sin, along with evil. However, to blame God for this death and sin is blasphemy: “For God did not make death, neither does He have pleasure over the destruction of the living” (Wisdom of Solomon 1.13); “God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death” (St James 1.13-15); “God is light and in Him is no darkness at all” (St John’s 1st Epistle).

So long as I look to God for blame, I’ll never be Orthodox. I must know that the cause is within myself, within my will and desires, and it is those desires and will that must be conformed to the likeness of Christ if I am to be saved, for salvation is not something “extrinsic” or “imputed” to us, as the heretics teach, but it is a transformative reality. We are to be transformed by the renewal of our soul, mind and body, and this is only done by overcoming our desires and becoming like Christ through our participation with the Divine energies of God (as St Peter clearly teaches us in his epistle). As Fr John Romanides once said, “It is interesting to note that every time St. Paul speaks about the wrath of God it is always that which is revealed to those who have become hopelessly enslaved, by their own choosing, to the flesh and the devil.” We must not give up hope and succumb to our desires and the vanity of man, but fight the good fight of faith and train our bodies through prayer, fasting and repentance so that we might “not only be called Christians, but to be so in reality” (St Ignatius’ Epistle to the Magnesians).

Often times, especially in our “politically correct” culture and within a “Christianity” that is overrun with the heresy of Ecumenism, it is believed that any exclusive claims to the truth are offensive, arrogant and frankly unwelcome.

I want to make this very clear, because I’m often accused of arrogance or pride when it comes to seeking and promoting Orthodoxy (as are most Orthodox Christians):

These are not my truths or my claims. They are those of the Holy Spirit speaking through the one Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. It is the truth of Christ and His Apostles (and then handed down in Apostolic Succession to us in this present evil age).

While these words might offend many (and indeed, the Gospel is offensive), the issue is not with me. I’m simply an unworthy servant of God; a messenger at best and the chief of sinners in reality. If you have personal problems with me, or wish that I wasn’t so outspoken about the truth, that’s fine. However, I’m not going to be silent, nor am I going to follow the trends of this culture and “water it down” for you. I’m not going to pretend that we don’t really think the Orthodox Church is the one, true Church; I can’t do that. To do that, or to explain anything less than the fullness of the Faith is cowardice at the least, and blasphemy at the worst. If you have a problem with the fact that there’s one Church, take it up with Jesus, because that’s the way he made it (and there’s no “getting around” that in the Scriptures, try as people might).

So don’t be mad at me. I’m not Orthodoxy; I’m a servant of God, and a miserable failure at that. For “One is Holy; One is Lord” (The Divine Liturgy of St John Chrysostom). Don’t think I see myself as “holy” or “saintly.” Far from it. Don’t let the words of Christ and His Apostles along with their successors become meaningless to you because you’re mad at me for pointing them out.

The Church is Catholic (whole/complete) and both its people and worship are to be Orthodox.

Well, we’re certainly trying. Lord, have mercy.